Laila Arain & Alyssa Dver | How'd You Do It & Why Should I Care?

Unknown: 0:00

Hi, everyone.

Laila Arain: 0:01

Welcome to the next episode of the Bay Street capital holdings podcast titled, how did you do it? And why should I care? This series aims to highlight women doing amazing work in various industries. So today, we are so lucky to be joined by Alyssa Devi, who is chief confidence officer, CEO and co founder of the American competence Institute. Hi, Alyssa, how are you? I'm great. Lila, how are you? I'm very well. Thank you. Thanks so much for hopping on the podcast. Oh, of course. My pleasure. So I guess we could start off with a quick introduction. Who are you? How'd you do it? And why should I care?

Alyssa Dver: 0:36

I love it. I love it. My, as you said, my name is Alyssa revere, and I am running this thing called the American competence Institute. And people are always like, what, right? It's like kind of the strange beast of an idea that we had about five years ago. And I say we I started with a co founder, who subsequently became a full time professor. So now I run the thing, we have a beautiful team. And we study the brain science behind what makes people confident. And then we share that knowledge through workshops and keynotes and other forms, so that people can really embrace this beautiful idea of being confident Well, before we know statistically, most people don't get there until 60. So we want to hack that process for anyone who's interested in so that's what we do day to day. Why do you care, because confidence is the greatest asset of all. It is the secret to success. It is behind every decision we make. It's it impacts every way we act, react and interact with other people. And so when you understand the science, and quite frankly, the social secrets behind it, it is the ultimate game changer. Awesome. So

Laila Arain: 1:45

I'm intrigued was that any one point in your life, which inspired you to found the American competence Institute was a series of experiences?

Unknown: 1:54

Well, of course, I'm sure everyone says, you know, there are there's a journey and there's a series of experiences. But I often think what was really the trigger. And it's funny you and I found in commonality, we're both. I'm a Penn alum you're currently at you can and there was a class that I took that really kind of stimulated my brain about human motivation. And then I took a series of other classes on everything from criminal science to marketing. And the common thread, there was a clearly like a magnet attracted to like, what is most what motivates people to do stuff? Like, what is it that makes us want to click a button or text that particular friend, I was just really interested in it. Now that certainly Crossroads with a lot of other disciplines, like psychology, and so forth. But back in the day, when I was at Penn, neuroscience wasn't a word anybody knew. So, you know, it wasn't really until we came to about 10 years ago, and there was scientific ability to really understand this. At that time, I was dealing with a crisis, my son who just graduated from University of Vermont last weekend, so this was like a good 12 years ago, when it started, I was diagnosed with a neurological condition. And it was that moment that I had my confidence completely crushed. You know, I was very successful in school and did great things in my career. But all of a sudden, I was like, What did I do wrong? Like, what what did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong as a mom to give this to my son, and in that pile of ash, and you know, it's almost like a phoenix rising, you know, you find this kind of motivation that I couldn't have studied at Penn or anywhere else, call it maternal motivation, whatever. I was, like, I had to figure this out. It was that path and that journey. So you know, yes, the academic and kind of the magnetism of something I was interested in. I followed a marketing path, because that's what seemed to be the right thing. But it was when I had that literal collision with fate and my son in terms of his situation that took me on a different direction, related, and subsequently, here we are. Wow,

Laila Arain: 4:03

what an interesting story. And I guess you mentioned obviously, that motivation, you couldn't learn from a book, but what was the best resources for you, then that helped you along the way?

Unknown: 4:13

The best resources? Well, I will say that, you know, it's probably a may sound humbling his ears and eyes, right. I think that everything that I learned along the path that was given to me was relevant, you know, whether it was something in school or advice from other people, but it was that open mindedness to listen, and to see and observe people in a way that again, I don't think you can learn from a book you have to be not just present, you know, we talk there's a lot of these buzzwords all over the place, you know, being present being authentic, all good, but if you're not receptive, if you're not like Let me look at that and be mindful and analyze it and decide what I'm going to take and absorb and what I'm going to reject and be mindful and conscious about that. So what made me do that maybe it was a lack of confidence at the time, quite frankly, to kind of figure out how to be confident. And once I kind of cracked the code, and then was able to really explain it from a neurological perspective, from a definitional perspective, and then after hundreds now hundreds of 1000s of people as our case, you know, as our are learning through that, I can really understand that the only way that you can kind of progress in anything, let alone a space, like being a confidence expert, is you have to there's got to be a will and and that will have to drive that open mindedness that those open ears and those open eyes

Laila Arain: 5:49

push official. And I would definitely say that, you know, when starting your own company is kind of daunting, and especially since you co founded the American confidence is two, I'm sure there was nothing like that out out there already. So what was sort of one lesson that you wish you you knew before starting in the industry?

Unknown: 6:07

You said kind of daunting? No, it is absolutely not. This is not my first rodeo as they say, this is like my fifth sixth startup. I've lost track, I started another one, two years ago, because I, you know, it's in my blood, it's part of what really drives me. But I think lessons is that even though you go into it with good intention, and you're like, I'm going to help people, I'm going to do something really cool. It doesn't make it any less hard. Starting company, as you said is hard. There are a lot of challenges, confidence, and otherwise, there's intellectual challenges. There's the challenges, even from your friends and family being like, why would you do that? You know, how many people told me you're going to start a conference this year? Are you out of your mind? So you know, overcoming that, as well as being smart? Look, you know, we graduated an Ivy League school, you should know everything well, how can you know everything, you can never know anything, everything. And then you jump into entrepreneurship, and you got to know everything for how to like do the taxes to incorporate to hire people to raise money, you know, the whole nine yards. And you feel pretty stupid at times. So how do you bolster that? You know, how do you fight through that, and it's not easy. So I think you know that that was a really, that's a recurring theme for entrepreneurs. I do a lot of mentorship, both at Penn at the Innovation Center, I teach there every semester, I teach at MIT, I have a lot of clients. And the one thing I say to them is, you know, don't forget, you're human, and that this is hard. And so that self compassion not to give up. But your recognize that it's not, it's not easy. And some days it's going to stink. And that's reality.

Laila Arain: 7:54

For sure. And On a similar note, actually thinking about the span of your career, since you've had many startups, what would you say is your biggest failure? And what did you learn from it?

Unknown: 8:03

Oh, my gosh, my biggest failure. You know, failure, failure is a relative term with me, I think that failure is a beautiful thing. And it's not because of what everyone says, you know, failing, you should learn from failure. I look at it a little differently. It's kind of a Thomas Edison model. You know, he was famous for saying that for every patent that he had. And he was one of the most accomplished patent engineers in the world in the tilt that till his day, he said, it's because I found 10,000 ways that didn't work, you know, the one pot and was the one way that worked. And so my favorite phrase is life is a laboratory. And I think, you know, greatest failure, I don't know, there's been many failures. But every time I look back, and I think that was not my best moment, but I learned so much if I allow myself to, and it got me closer to figuring out that solution, you know, I want to another kind of way of looking at it is my brother in law, who is pretty much a ham on all levels. And he's a sales guy. And he said, you know, if you look at life, and you look at everything, not just sales as a lot of numbers, maybe there's like 10% of the people that are going to buy what you have or 10% of the people who actually agree or are the type of people that you want to serve? Well, the nine people that say, No, the nine deals that you blow the nine presentations that don't work, you know, grateful because you're closer to the one that well, and I think that mindset, that's where I live my you know, that's where my heart is, and I try and live authentically to that. So I can't tell you there was been one major failure I don't there's been a lot of things that I would look back and go boy that stunk I wasn't great or I wasn't where I wanted to be. I didn't accomplish what I wanted. But I do think honestly that all of them have been really positive learning lessons. When I look back and I say Oh, that's the lesson that I got out of that one thing.

Laila Arain: 10:04

Definitely is our resilient mindset and a growth mindset, the you know, you're learning from your mistakes.

Unknown: 10:09

Yeah, I mean, look, you know, when you're at school, for example, and again, we'll come back to that kind of common thread we have here, you get a bad grade, and you're like, the world is ending. And then by the end of the semester, you know, it kind of averages out and you hope that that one, one thing that you did the next time you bolstered up and you get a better grade, I think, you know, profoundly speaking, the only failure is not to use failure productively.

Laila Arain: 10:32

Hmm, for sure, for sure. I definitely agree. And following on from that, actually, that was a great piece of advice you gave about failure. But what is one piece of advice you would give to somebody who is, you know, starting out in the entrepreneurship space?

Unknown: 10:47

This, this is only because I'm an old lady now, right? You know, like, well past my, you know, college days. And I really think that this is true, when I work with the younger entrepreneurs, you got to do the work. But there's a lot of hacks in the world. Yes, you can google it up. And you can learn stuff fast. And you can try and figure out how to software tie stuff and make things happen faster administrative operationally. But if the work you're doing is not quality, whether you're writing a book, or presenting or delivering a software product, or doing some consulting, whatever your industry is, if you are not disciplined about doing good work, and delivering quality work, it's going to catch up with you. And I don't think that that is something you know, that takes patience, it takes discipline, it takes commitment, it takes resilience, grit, it takes a lot of maturity, to say, I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do it well. And if it takes a while I'm willing to put that in. I think a lot of people young and otherwise are looking for the shortcuts out. And yeah, they're like carbs, they may fill you up for the short term. And they may get you from point A to point B, but they certainly don't let you win the marathon.

Laila Arain: 12:01

Then what a wonderful piece of advice. I feel like that can also be applied to lots of different industries as well

Unknown: 12:07

as any industry. Yeah, you got to do the work. And you got you got to do the good work. quality work.

Laila Arain: 12:13

Yeah. And I feel like doing it while you're young definitely sets the precedent for when you get older as well. I agree. Awesome. And speaking about, you know, your experience within the industry, what is one common myths about being an entrepreneur that you'd like to debunk?

Unknown: 12:27

Oh my god, that it's so glamorous, of course, I'm sure you hear that from a lot of interviewees. Like it's all glamorous, you get to control your schedule, and you feel like the boss and like Yeah, right. And you worry 24 by seven, how you're going to pay the mortgage, you are a 24 by seven, are you making the right decisions? You were 24 by seven, when can I possibly take 10 minutes off, let alone a vacation, right? There's so much underneath that assumed, you know, freedom. That is the shackles if you will of being an entrepreneur. Now with all due respect, mentally and emotionally. Yeah, it's really liberating. And every now and then I get this moment of like deep consulting, or I even take have taken over the last 20 years, a couple of full time jobs as a CMO, again, just to remind myself, that I really love being an entrepreneur, but it's hard. And there, there are moments where you sit there and you go, Do I really have to do all this administration? This is not what I like to do. And then you say to yourself, yeah, it's part of the thing that I have to do so I can do the parts that I really love. So you know, don't think it's all roses. It's not.

Laila Arain: 13:32

You got it here fast. What Sam? So as you mentioned, you obviously have a few companies at the moment, but what have you sort of in your free time read or listened to that's really inspired you

Unknown: 13:45

free time you said I was an entrepreneur, that's an oxymoron. You know, as an entrepreneur, we're constantly reading everything, like people are sending me books all the time. I got one the other day, I was like, Who? And why would I read this? Like, it's just so funny. People always just think that you have all this, quote, free time, as you said, But um, something happened not too long ago. That was really amazing for me. So one of the programs we run at the Institute is a coaching certification program. And this woman came through it about almost two years ago, she was lovely, but we certify hundreds of them. So, you know, I can't say that she was remarkable in a way that kind of stunned me until she reached out to me about six months ago. And she said she was writing a book. And she wanted to know if I would give her a cover, quote, you know, what the testimony that was on the actual cover? And I was really flattered, but I was also like, Well, it depends. Let me see the book. I get asked this a lot. So I wanted to really kind of, you know, not be kind of elitist, but I also wanted to be like, you know, Can I see it? Can I read it? Um, she was like, Of course she sent it to me and it was a compilation of women's stories written by the women themselves. And each one of them was a story about a hardship and some cases were real trauma that these women had gone through. And the stories of how they overcame them and found what what she the name of the book is find your voice. So how they found their voice. And I really when I looked at the cover, and I was reading the manuscript, I was like, Yeah, and I started to read it, and I was sobbing. And I stayed up literally all night reading, because it was so moving and so inspirational, that not only did these women figure out a way to overcome these emotional and in some cases, physical obstacles. But they were bold enough to write them so eloquently and be so generous to share them. And it really moved me. And so you know, I was inspired by the book, I was inspired, that Diana asked me to give a quote, and it was in that moment that I was like, I'm such a lucky person. so fortunate. So I don't even know what the words appreciative that not only did I get to meet and work with Diana, and help her on her journey to get her to this book, but then she gave it back to me in a sense of joy and an honor to be part of it. So that was just in the last month or two. And it was really special.

Laila Arain: 16:15

Wow. And following on from that, it seems like you know, so many amazing people, but who are three people in your life who have been the most influential? And I'm so sorry, I had to limit it to three?

Unknown: 16:26

No, it's a good thing, because I could probably list 150. So I won't bore you with all that. But you know, I'll give you let me thank the three that come right away to my mind. So one of them is a gentleman that I worked with many, many moons ago. And he was a peer of mine at the time, I was the CMO and he was the head of engineering. And he would sit in rooms and really be very quiet and pay attention and almost sit back and listen to everyone and really take in the conversation. And we would have to turn around at times I remember saying this, we'd be like Steve, what do you think? Like, you're not saying anything? You're taking it on? What do you think, and he would be very mindful about what he would offer, he would say, very calm, very thoughtful way. And it really struck me that that was what confidence looked like. Now, fast forward. After we turn that company around, and he was able to cash out, he was able to put money, the money that he got from that into a company that we now know is called TripAdvisor. Wow, he's still the CEO. And quite honestly, I'm sure Steve's not gonna listen to this. But he knows that the company that we turned around was his founding company that I was brought in as part of the team to save it. So he had a quote, failure, so to speak at the time, was able to flip it and man Oh, man, I don't think there's money, better success stories in TripAdvisor that I can even think of. So his role model Miss as a confident person certainly had an impact on me, the CEO that actually was brought in for that job as a person who's still one of my best friends, his name is Marco. He's from Brazil, and his cultural attitude. And just the way he approaches life. And he embraces everybody, whether he's in a hotel, and it's the cleaning people, or the person who's sitting next to him on the plane. He's just he looks at everyone with equality. And I think that that has just really been profoundly impactful for me that he doesn't have a chip on his shoulder. And he, he really embraces humans, and I just, I just love that. So it's been profound. So that's to the third I, I have to say, this is as hard as it may come out set, you're gonna say, Yeah, you're their mom. But my kids are so inspiring to me on both of them for different reasons. And there's not a day that doesn't go by where I don't talk to them. And I go, Wow, they're so smart. And they're, they know so much. And they're so caring, compassionate. And they really understand the world in a way that I can actually lean on them. And so once 22 ones 18 and, you know, I, yes, I'll take a little credit for making them so great. I can't help it on their mom. But at the same time, it gives me so much hope that generations coming forward, you know, there's a lot of problems in this world. And I just think that you all are going to fix them. And at the same time, you know, it's not a lost generation. It's really a found generation. So it's very inspiring to me, and then particularly my kids just feed fuel me every day.

Laila Arain: 19:38

Wow, how beautiful. And then finally, to wrap up our conversation, what is one piece of advice that you wish you gave yourself at any point in your life?

Unknown: 19:49

Oh, gosh, well, well, you're gonna probably smart Give me back at this but the last my last book, my seventh book that came out last year, the title is confidence is a choice. And the whole book is about the fact that definitionally as well as neurologically, I explain why I say confidence is a choice. And I do believe it's everyone's choice. I believe it's everyone's right. And our society does a magnificent job of making sure that it takes confidence from us every opportunity. We do it to each other, we do it to ourselves, we, we erode the confidence. And so, you know, if I had known when I was in my 20s, when I was at patent if I knew that competence was my choice, and I had a right to be confident, I can't even fathom how that would have changed my life, for better for worse, but, boy, it would have been empowering. Oh, well, I'll

Laila Arain: 20:41

definitely keep that one in mind. competence definitely is a choice. Excellent. Awesome. Well, thank you again, Alyssa, for taking the time to speak with me today. It was absolutely lovely to hear your story and to just gather those gems of advice you were giving out. Oh, my goodness, thank you so much. I appreciate the opportunity. Great. Thank you. Bye bye.